A New Us
by Lia Cozack
Summary: From Santana's point of view. AU. Santana and Brittany are starting a family. Does this bring them together or tear them apart?


I knew the very first time that I saw her that she was the one. She was by the monkey bars. She was seven. She was beautiful. She had golden French braids and her name was Brittany. _Brittany. _I said it like it was a name I wouldn't stop saying. We were instantly friends. All it took was a "Hi."

I remember one time when we were ten she fell down on the concrete of my drive way when we were playing tag with a bunch of our other friends. She was crying, looking down at her bloody knee. I rushed over to her and crouched at her side and put a hand on her back and told her I would get help. My mother came quickly and bandaged Brittany up. I held her hand throughout the process. I will never forget the look my Mother gave me. It was almost like she knew the things I didn't just then. After, Brittany wanted to go inside and get a drink. She didn't want to play any more. I would go everywhere she went, so I followed her inside. We were in my kitchen sipping lemonade when she told me she had a secret.

"What?" I asked.

"Come here, it's a secret. You don't say secrets, you whisper them."

I nodded and came close to her and gave her my ear.

"I love you," she said and laid a sloppy wet schoolgirl kiss on my cheek.

I can still recall the feeling of the wetness on my cheek.

We were thirteen when we were listening to a Beyonce CD lying on my bed. She asked me if I've ever felt "Crazy in Love". I didn't know what to say. So I asked her, "Have you ever been in love?" She gave me a vague answer. The room was silent for a while, aside from the music.

"What do you think it will be like to kiss someone?" she asked me.

"I don't know. It's apparently the greatest and most romantic thing ever, especially your first kiss. In the movies it's always with the person you are in love with and it's always perfect."

"Do you think one should practice so they won't screw up the real thing?" she casually asked me.

I said, "I don't think so. A kiss is a kiss. There's no such thing as a practice first kiss, because then that would be your first kiss!"

"So you think your first kiss should be special?"

"Of course," I replied.

"Am I special?" she asked me.

"Yes, of course you are!" I hugged her. We laughed.

"I don't want to kiss boys," she said.

"Neither do I," I agreed with her.

"Boys smell and they are mean. They don't like me anyway."

I couldn't believe she didn't think boys liked her. She was friendly, easy to talk to, and not to mention _beautiful._

"Boys do like you. I know they do. You're sporty, nice, and popular. How could they not?"

"I have pimples on my chin and braces. One guy called me brace face on the bus," her eyes watered.

When she told me this I felt really mad. I wanted to punch that guy in the face, the one that told my precious Brittany that. "Well, one guy called me fat in study hall the other day," I told her.

"Well that doesn't make me feel any better. I'm just hurt for the both of us now," she cried. We cried together.

"I think you are so beautiful, Brittany. I hate that others don't see that. They point out the little things just to get you down, because they are jealous. I wish I was as beautiful and as skinny as you are. I'm the ugly one."

"Santana, you are the epitome of beauty. You aren't the least bit fat."

For a while we just stared at each other. I remember time feeling slow. I remember they way her eyes looked: hazy and watery, yet a shine to them. Her blue eyes were mystical.

We both leaned forward and met for a delicate kiss.

* * *

We were fifteen and secretly dating. I was too on edge about my double life to truly feel happy that I had my dream girl.

I remember the time we first had sex, we were 16. We had talked about it for a little less than two years. The farthest we had gone was being topless around each other and having phone sex, where we would masturbate together on the phone. We were finally ready, after deeply talking about it on IM. We decided it would happen while my parent's were visiting my grandparents on a weekend.

* * *

"I love you so much," I told her sitting on my bed.

"I love you too, Santana. So, so much." We made out until our lips were sore.

She let me take off her shirt. She took off her bra. I took off mine. We kissed. We wrestled. I'm on top. Then she's on top. I let myself become a bottom. We kiss fiercely. I'm so turned on. We're both sweating. We're both breathing heavy. I start taking off my pants.

"No, can I?" she asks.

I let her. She takes them off quickly. I take off hers. We are only in our panties. It is a moment of great vulnerability.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you, too" I say with all my heart.

She lets me take off her panties first. I don't get a good look of her down there, since she's working on taking mine off as well. We begin to kiss with so much intensity it makes my heart free fall. I feel my way down her stomach to a patch of small neatly trimmed curls, I go a little lower and I'm confronted with warm, wet, slick flesh.

"Oh," she squeaks.

I feel her more thoroughly, enjoying all the sounds she is making. I have flashbacks from when we were kids. I have a flashback of our first kiss. I feel so much love for her. She's feeling me down there too, and I just want to talk. I want to ask her what she wants. I want her to tell me what feels good. I want to slow down and maybe stop.

"Britt?" I say.

"Yeah, Babe?" she replies.

"I'm feeling nervous and confused. Can we stop and talk?"

"Ok, yeah," She moves her hand from my_ place _to wrap her arm around me. "Are you Ok?" she asks.

"I'm fine, you didn't hurt me or anything. It felt really good. But, I want to just soak it in more. So can we go slower?"

"Like?"

I thought about it. I asked her, "Can I make love to you first?"

"I'd love that," she nods and kisses my neck.

I rub her sex, until I feel it's right to go inside her. She accommodates my fingers very easily. I'll never forget her whimpers and moans of pleasure. I'll never forget how she said my name, "S'ntana" and "Sannn". I'll never forget her face when she said to me, "I love you so much right now." And I'll never forget what she said after she had had an orgasm, "Thank you for giving me heaven."

It was beautiful.

Now we are married. We live in Columbus. Brittany is a kindergarten teacher and I'm a Surgeon. We are planning to have a baby really soon. Brittany wants to carry the first one.

I'm out to my parents. I have been out since I was eighteen-years-old. I told my parents on a Sunday night after dinner. Brittany wasn't there. She thought it was a matter I should discuss just them and I. My mother and father didn't take it well at first. They were extremely disappointed. They knew Brittany and loved her, but as my friend. My Mom sort of knew and didn't get as angry, but it was my Dad who was the driving force in the exchange He didn't understand 'where they went wrong as parents' and I said to them, or mainly him, 'you didn't! You did just fine. I'm in love with Brittany and we are going to college together, living together, and Brittany and I are extremely happy.' It was way too much for them to handle at that time. They bid Brittany and I goodbye at the end of that August, and since then I don't talk to them much.

They got over it. They know I'm really gay. It's not a show. It's who I am.

I'm twenty-eight now. They went to our wedding. They still live in Lima. And, they aren't as excited as I want them to be, having learned that they will be grandparents. I mean, wasn't this inevitable? They know we are married. Wouldn't they understand that children were in the cards for my wife and I?

Brittany and I are so excited to start this new chapter.


End file.
